Loss and grief during the holidays

The holidays can be a really difficult time, for many reasons, but especially if you have lost a loved one either around the holidays or are experiencing the holidays for the first time since their passing. It can be extremely challenging to experience grief when others are celebrating, all sorts of emotion can be experienced, including resentment, loneliness and vulnerability – all opposing your expected spirit of the time of year. When others are socialising and celebrating, it can leave you with a raw feeling of loss and despair. 

Asking for help during the holidays

It might feel difficult to ask for help or a shoulder to cry on during the holidays but not asking can leave you feeling more at odds with others and the time of year. Just because friends and family may not be feeling as you are, or are perceived to be busy, doesn’t mean they don’t have time for you, no matter how long since your loss. Different people have different stages of grief and it doesn’t necessarily follow a specific pattern, despite what we are led to believe. 

Guilt

The busyness of the holiday season may lead to feelings of guilt, that you have had moments of joy and distraction. Please know that it is absolutely OK to take a interrupt heart ache and sorrow, to laugh at a colleague or friend or wear a party hat or drink a glass of champagne. You don’t have to be in tormenting anguish for every second while you grieve for a loved one, it’s essential and very normal to have distraction.  

What to expect 

There a number of feelings to expect during these times, and they are all very normal but knowing when to ask for help is the most important. 

·      You may feel particularly vulnerable and lonely

·      Your feelings can be extremely unpredictable, you may want to be alone one minute and need a friend around you the next or feel absolutely fine one day and really struggle the next day. During this time, it is not uncommon to have bursts of intense sadness for “no reason at all”

·      Your sleeping and eating habits may be disrupted from your ‘norm’ 

·      Your friends and family may either want to try and cheer you up or leave you to have your own space, it is important to let them know how you are feeling and whether you wish to be supported in a particular manner. 

Take home

·      Allow yourself to cry if you feel the tears coming on.

·      Realise you will be feeling many emotions and thoughts including being angry at your loved one for leaving you.

·      Don’t be afraid to opt out of holiday festivities because you do not feel like celebrating. You are not obligated to participate.

·      Exercise as much as possible as a means for facing and healthily distracting yourself from the loss.

·      Reach out to others when you need to talk about your feelings about the loss.

·      Know that while you have periodic bursts of intense sadness, you will feel better over time.

Support

We have partnered with Cruse bereavement and want you to know that they are there for you to offer bereavement support and advice. 

Cruse is the UK’s leading bereavement charity reaching over 100,000 people across the UK each year. They offer support, advice and information to children, young people and adults when someone dies and work to enhance society’s care of bereaved people. 
  
For immediate bereavement support contact their national helpline on 0808 808 1677 
  
Children and young people can:

·      Call the Freephone helpline on 0808 808 1677

·      Visit their website designed by and for young people at www.hopeagain.org.uk  or

·      Email them at hopeagain@cruse.org.uk